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Broken Hearted Runner

This blog began as a way of dealing with and communicating about my diagnosis of cardiomyopathy (literal heart disease) and has continued on through all of my figurative heartbreak after divorce, dating, life, and now grief. I am a seeker of adventure who also desires the comfort of routine. I am an avid hiker, a lazy runner, a mother of three adult children, a dog lover, a writer, and an unfortunate romantic. Each of these things are found within the stories of my blog.

Romance

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By Unknown - September 04, 2015

Romance
A wild dance
Between two lovers who, by chance,
Share an equal desire after a first glance.

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If it is Necessary, it is Possible

By E. Sarah Mattingly - December 07, 2016

Because it was important to me that I was the main caregiver for my children when they were young, and because their father and I were both young and not well paid, we made a lot of sacrifices. After I quit my job to be a stay at home mom, I continued to do odd jobs to bring in money. Mostly, I babysat the neighborhood kids ($10/day/kid) and waited tables. I also cleaned houses and tended bar. Basically, I would do anything to make some money in a way that meant I could still be a mom and a wife first. We lived in a two bedroom home which meant that the kids all shared a bedroom. After Eve was born, we had a crib and a set of bunk beds. The kids thought this was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to them. Logan, of course, got the top bunk. And Ceci was happy to have the bottom bunk as long as he'd let her come up and play castle in his bed during the day. But mostly, the crib was the place to be. They loved it! My children had absolutely no idea how poor we were...

Stalkers - Start Reading Here

By E. Sarah Mattingly - May 04, 2016

After I had been on a few dates with husband #2, and it was evident that we might actually both be considering "something more," he provided me with a recent psychiatric evaluation. As you can imagine, getting a doctor approved mental health evaluation of your potential new life partner was like, solid gold! (For his sake, I feel I must tell you that the reason he even had access to said evaluation was because he had recently gone through a divorce and custody hearing - he's not a psycho who has regular evals done.) So, anyway, I was lucky. I was about to embark on a relationship journey and I had access to some wonderful information that would help me to decide whether or not it was even worth the "next date." Because I admit, during that time in my life I was using all sorts of other stalking techniques to weed out the goodies from the baddies. I was living in Maryland at the time and so I used Maryland Judiciary Case Search to weed out the weirdos w...

Hello Old Friend

By E. Sarah Mattingly - March 19, 2023

Hello old friend, we meet again. If you're new here - this blog has been my place to openly grieve over the past decade. So, I guess it makes since to come back to it now since my good ole friend "grief" has reared his ugly head once again. It's difficult (and ironic) because many of the words written here explicitly describe MY side of the pain. And now, as I reflect on this newest grieving moment, I want to talk about the other side. (I know - too little, too late .) I want to start with a disclaimer - if anyone who falls upon this blog is ever experiencing feelings of hopelessness, please reach out. This is my personal email and I will personally reply to any/all of your messages. Add me to your contacts. I. Am. Here. Now - a story... I remember 2004 as being a very difficult year in my life. I was a 26 year old wife and mother of three living in a small 2 bedroom house. I was bartending for a living and taking college classes. Earlier that year, my hu...