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Broken Hearted Runner

This blog began as a way of dealing with and communicating about my diagnosis of cardiomyopathy (literal heart disease) and has continued on through all of my figurative heartbreak after divorce, dating, life, and now grief. I am a seeker of adventure who also desires the comfort of routine. I am an avid hiker, a lazy runner, a mother of three adult children, a dog lover, a writer, and an unfortunate romantic. Each of these things are found within the stories of my blog.

Romance

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By Unknown - September 04, 2015

Romance
A wild dance
Between two lovers who, by chance,
Share an equal desire after a first glance.

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Hello Old Friend

By E. Sarah Mattingly - March 19, 2023

Hello old friend, we meet again. If you're new here - this blog has been my place to openly grieve over the past decade. So, I guess it makes since to come back to it now since my good ole friend "grief" has reared his ugly head once again. It's difficult (and ironic) because many of the words written here explicitly describe MY side of the pain. And now, as I reflect on this newest grieving moment, I want to talk about the other side. (I know - too little, too late .) I want to start with a disclaimer - if anyone who falls upon this blog is ever experiencing feelings of hopelessness, please reach out. This is my personal email and I will personally reply to any/all of your messages. Add me to your contacts. I. Am. Here. Now - a story... I remember 2004 as being a very difficult year in my life. I was a 26 year old wife and mother of three living in a small 2 bedroom house. I was bartending for a living and taking college classes. Earlier that year, my husband

Eventually. Occasionally. Always. Thankfully. Forever.

By E. Sarah Mattingly - October 11, 2017

Eventually the black marks will fade, the grass will grow over the tracks, and the stains will disappear. But that telephone pole will remain. Occasionally the wreaths of flowers will be placed and replaced. Certainly a beer can will be left -maybe even a bottle of Jim Beam. But that telephone pole will remain. Oddly it wasn't the point of impact. It wasn't where you were found. It just happens to be the place we gathered to light our candles and sing. Because that telephone pole will remain. Sometimes we will visit and from where we live there are two ways in. I wonder how often we will choose to drive on that road. I wonder if we will feel the same. Will we gaze forward? Will we slow down? Will we gulp and hold back the tears? I don't know if we'll avoid it or embrace it but I know we will never forget it. Because I know that telephone pole will remain. I hate that telephone pole. I hate that it exists. I hate that it will always be there and it w

Stalkers - Start Reading Here

By E. Sarah Mattingly - May 04, 2016

After I had been on a few dates with husband #2, and it was evident that we might actually both be considering "something more," he provided me with a recent psychiatric evaluation. As you can imagine, getting a doctor approved mental health evaluation of your potential new life partner was like, solid gold! (For his sake, I feel I must tell you that the reason he even had access to said evaluation was because he had recently gone through a divorce and custody hearing - he's not a psycho who has regular evals done.) So, anyway, I was lucky. I was about to embark on a relationship journey and I had access to some wonderful information that would help me to decide whether or not it was even worth the "next date." Because I admit, during that time in my life I was using all sorts of other stalking techniques to weed out the goodies from the baddies. I was living in Maryland at the time and so I used Maryland Judiciary Case Search to weed out the weirdos w