Lake Winds Way
I had a couple of meetings in Gaithersburg today and had some downtime in between meetings, so I drove through our old neighborhood.
Oh what a hopeful place that was. My first taste of Suburbia. My first taste of comfort.
It's funny how memories work. There are so many bad memories from that home - like the cedar closet, the window, and the bonfire.
But there are also so many good memories - and that is where my brain took me.
My memories, as I drove down our neighborhood street, were of training for the half marathon - me on foot and you on bike. Of coming home after work and cooking together. Of staying up way too late to practice that one song (what was it - Dear Agony?). Of many fun cookouts where friends gathered. Of going to the park and teaching Isaac how to swing. Do you remember that game where we'd make the girls swing in opposite rhythm and we tried to run between them? It sure was fun. There sure were a lot of laughs.
So, I know many of my previous posts have focused on the pain that I suffered - and that stuff is all true. And a lot of that pain is still there - raw. But I wasn't some helpless victim stuck in a bad relationship. That is not what it was.
I was a hopeful woman in love with a good man. But we were just too different. Our priorities were out of sync. Our expectations for ourselves and for each other were not acceptable.
It is sad.
Because you were always really good at telling me what you couldn't be, "I'll never be like (so and so) from church." And you had great ideas of what kind of man you could be, "Nobody will ever love you the way that I love you." And you were right about - all of it.
I only hope and pray that you don't set your bar too low. That you don't limit yourself. That you stop settling for less from yourself and truly attempt the greatness that you are capable of - if you can only accept and face your demons.
Every one of us has them.
I pray that you dig deep and find them, accept them, and face them. That is all I want from you now. That is the greatest expectation that I could ever have. But I don't think I get to have expectations from you anymore. So instead, it's a hope. A wish. A prayer.
James 4:7-10
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourself before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
Oh what a hopeful place that was. My first taste of Suburbia. My first taste of comfort.
It's funny how memories work. There are so many bad memories from that home - like the cedar closet, the window, and the bonfire.
But there are also so many good memories - and that is where my brain took me.
My memories, as I drove down our neighborhood street, were of training for the half marathon - me on foot and you on bike. Of coming home after work and cooking together. Of staying up way too late to practice that one song (what was it - Dear Agony?). Of many fun cookouts where friends gathered. Of going to the park and teaching Isaac how to swing. Do you remember that game where we'd make the girls swing in opposite rhythm and we tried to run between them? It sure was fun. There sure were a lot of laughs.
So, I know many of my previous posts have focused on the pain that I suffered - and that stuff is all true. And a lot of that pain is still there - raw. But I wasn't some helpless victim stuck in a bad relationship. That is not what it was.
I was a hopeful woman in love with a good man. But we were just too different. Our priorities were out of sync. Our expectations for ourselves and for each other were not acceptable.
It is sad.
Because you were always really good at telling me what you couldn't be, "I'll never be like (so and so) from church." And you had great ideas of what kind of man you could be, "Nobody will ever love you the way that I love you." And you were right about - all of it.
I only hope and pray that you don't set your bar too low. That you don't limit yourself. That you stop settling for less from yourself and truly attempt the greatness that you are capable of - if you can only accept and face your demons.
Every one of us has them.
I pray that you dig deep and find them, accept them, and face them. That is all I want from you now. That is the greatest expectation that I could ever have. But I don't think I get to have expectations from you anymore. So instead, it's a hope. A wish. A prayer.
James 4:7-10
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourself before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
Comments
Post a Comment