Broken Hearted Runner

The kids were starting to understand that something was wrong.  I don't "do" doctors so the fact that I had been 3 times over the past 4 days. and that I had been very lax about going to work, was starting to cause question and concern.  Logan is a smart boy; he's not oblivious... neither is Ceci.  But neither are the kind to open up about their worries; they internalize everything like they've been taught over the years.  Eve, however, is much more open about her worries, and frankly, uncomfortable with her own emotions.  So, what comes out as irrational anger and attitude, I have discovered is really her way of communicating stress. The house was a mess when we arrived home.  One kid on the computer, another on a laptop, one in front of the TV, and Isaac just moving around between them all, trying to see who was doing something more exciting.  Our small foyer had become a drop zone for anything the children were carrying or wearing that day.  Book bags, hoodie

My time spent at home was in the comfort of my bed.  I have never battled with depression, but I imagined this is what it would feel like.  I didn't clean my house or share a glass of wine while William cooked dinner.  I didn't fuss at the kids to do their homework or stop playing too much video games.  I didn't do anything, really, but sit in bed with the laptop close so that I could spend some time researching this 'anomaly'. Dr. Urquhart described it as a congenital defect where the pulmonary artery grew behind another main artery and, for athletes, it would eventually cut circulation and cause... sudden death.  The only fix was open heart surgery.  My father in law had a quadruple bypass just over a year ago and I saw what he struggled with.  I'd look around the house and all I could see were the millions of things that wouldn't get done while I was hospitalized and recovering.  It was easier just to lay in bed. We didn't tell the kids too much.

By Wednesday, the day of the cardiologist appointment, I was fiending for a cup of coffee.  No running and no caffeine added to an already stressful situation and I was ready to blow.  William took the day as well, at the time I thought he did it more for him, but looking back I realize how much of a mess I really was. The office is conveniently located just a couple of miles up Shady Grove, a 7 minute drive from our home.  Well, I'm from the County and I still act like it takes me 30 minutes to get anywhere and thank God for it because the address I got from Google took me to their old office.  William joked with me that this was the stress test portion of my appointment as we finally walked up to the correct building 2 minutes past the time the appointment started.  Remember, no coffee, no running, high stress.  Its a good thing he's cute, because currently, he wasn't being funny... although he was trying. I wish I could explain to you how eccentric this office is.  I

On October 14, 2012 I ran the Baltimore Running Festival Half Marathon.  I had followed a strict training plan which proved to be successful, because I beat my own estimated finishing time of 2:15 and set a PR of 2:03:34.  Not too bad for my first half marathon, even many of my running friends said so. But this story isn't about how I became a runner or about the trials and tribulations of finding my pace or discovering my actual love for the sport.  It isn't a story of how I plan to beat my PR or raise money for a special cause.  Nope, this isn't that kind of story at all. This story actually begins one week later, on October 20, 2012.  I had taken it easy after my half marathon.  It seemed the most logical and fair thing to do; to let my body recuperate after all I had put it through over the past 10 weeks.  I had started training late in the game, so I made up for lost miles by squeezing them in on longer runs.  My body needed the rest.  My mind needed the rest.  My fa