For a Moment

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For a moment I thought we were safe. I thought we were on the right track. A track to happiness, to togetherness. For a moment I thought our love mattered. I thought we might have won.

For a moment I felt loved. I felt happy. I felt comfortable. I felt reciprocated. I felt like I finally had found a mirror to reflect back all of the love I had to give. For a moment I wasn't scared of losing you.

How foolish of me. How stupid. Because even I know that love isn't enough. There is so much more to this thing called life. So many people to consider. So many decisions to make. So many rules to follow.

But you made it seem possible. You said all the right words. You made an attempt to love me like no other person has. The way I always wanted to be loved.

You were just as much of a fool as I was.

So how can I be mad? God, I want to be mad. But I can't. Watching you walk away from me hurt so much. It hurt so bad that I had to be strong - for you. I needed you to know that it was okay. It's okay to walk away from me. It's okay to say goodbye... again.

I'm angry at myself mostly. For understanding. For wanting you to know that it's okay. For protecting your heart over my own. Why do I do that? Why do I have to sit here crying my eyes out alone so that you can know that it's okay? I'm strong enough to get through this. God will comfort me. I know he will.

But I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't sad. And I wasn't waiting. Everyday. Every ding on my phone. Every car that drives by. Every single thing has me waiting, hoping, wishing that you'll be there - that you'll come back.

I'm such a fool.

The stupid poetry on my walls. The sketches next to my bed. The notebook and pens in my hand as I write. The songs on my player. The love in my heart. You are a part of every thought. I'm consumed by this sadness, this loss.

You are in the words that I write, in the songs that I hear, and in each cloud in the sky. You are in everything.

And I - I am such a fool.

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