Advice for my Daughters
You've seen a lot by watching me live my life and make my mistakes. I'm hoping that you've learned as much as I have, if not more. I know it's been difficult to be one of my children. As I've told you before, I've personally cartographed the map to the "hard way to do everything in life." I've driven those roads and found the dead ends. I've had to reroute more than most humans. And because you are an appendage of mine, you have done it with me.
This time was hard. And I know you know it's true. You've seen me love a few men in your lives. And you've seen me get hurt by those men who really did love me. You've seen the daily struggles of living with a man with addiction. You've been a part of a dysfunctional relationship that was based on comfort. You might even remember the hardships we suffered while I was married to your father.
And probably, you can look at all of those times and understand why it didn't work out. I know I can.
But this last one didn't go like that. This last one was different. You know it's true. You were there laughing along with us as we sang to the 90s station and rode roller coasters. Together we went to movies, played Top Golf, ate home cooked breakfasts, sat around our family table for dinners, went to church - you saw me happy. If I could hand pick a man for you - it would be a version of him (minus that one flaw).
And because of that one flaw - you also saw me cry. And forgive. And continue to be hopeful.
So, in life, there are many lessons to be learned. I don't want you to think that I regret any of my decisions. I do not. I have happily "traveled this far on the back of every mistake." And that is both my burden and my blessing.
But you don't have to. You don't have to make my mistakes. You get the opportunity to make new mistakes. So here is my advice - Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23)
Love is not everything.
It is something, for sure. It is important. It is very, VERY important. But the truth is, I have loved many people in my life. I still love those people, because the beauty of love is that it never dies. The people I have loved still hold a place in my heart and in my mind. Most days I still think about each of those people and pray for them. Even the ones that hurt me. Even the ones that didn't work out.
I am thankful to have had those opportunities to love each of those people. And even more so, to have received love back from them. I am thankful for the time.
Because what I have learned, more than anything in life, is that timing... timing is everything.
I spent most of my youth trying to grow up. Trying to hurry up and acquire all of the things I would need in this life - like it was a race.
I met your father when I was 16. I was married and with child by the time I was 18. Why? Because I was scared of losing him. I wanted more than anything to keep your father in my life because I was scared. So, we decided to have a family... and I grew up.
With the other men it was the same. I never gave myself the time I needed. I never allowed myself to sit still; I was always in this race against the clock. "Gotta hurry up and get married." "Gotta hurry up and build that house." "Gotta hurry up and fall in love."
But time - time will pass anyway. And there are so many things I missed out on (or possibly even ruined) because I was chasing (or forcing) what I thought was important, instead of being faithful and patient and letting life happen the way it was meant to.
Take your time.
Guard your heart.
Fall in love.
Make mistakes.
But don't rush.
Things will work out the way they are going to. This I know to be true. The things I rushed through were meant to happen anyway. But maybe if I'd have gone a little slower, if I'd have been patient, a different path might have appeared before me.
Respect time. Be faithful. Guard your heart by taking the time to let things happen around you and be aware of the truth. My heart was always open and naive, it was never guarded. And that is why I've been hurt so many times. I put other people's needs in front of my own as I rushed to the finish line. And that has been my biggest mistake.
Also, never be in a relationship with a married (or separated) man. No matter how much he loves you. No matter how much he says he couldn't ever imagine a life without you. Tell him you love him too. Then tell him to come back when he's done with it.
Timing is everything.
If the love is strong enough and meant to happen, it will happen when it's time. Be patient. Be guarded. Be adventurous but not foolish. Enjoy the slowness of life. And let love happen at it's own pace.
These are my wishes for you.
This time was hard. And I know you know it's true. You've seen me love a few men in your lives. And you've seen me get hurt by those men who really did love me. You've seen the daily struggles of living with a man with addiction. You've been a part of a dysfunctional relationship that was based on comfort. You might even remember the hardships we suffered while I was married to your father.
And probably, you can look at all of those times and understand why it didn't work out. I know I can.
But this last one didn't go like that. This last one was different. You know it's true. You were there laughing along with us as we sang to the 90s station and rode roller coasters. Together we went to movies, played Top Golf, ate home cooked breakfasts, sat around our family table for dinners, went to church - you saw me happy. If I could hand pick a man for you - it would be a version of him (minus that one flaw).
And because of that one flaw - you also saw me cry. And forgive. And continue to be hopeful.
So, in life, there are many lessons to be learned. I don't want you to think that I regret any of my decisions. I do not. I have happily "traveled this far on the back of every mistake." And that is both my burden and my blessing.
But you don't have to. You don't have to make my mistakes. You get the opportunity to make new mistakes. So here is my advice - Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23)
Love is not everything.
It is something, for sure. It is important. It is very, VERY important. But the truth is, I have loved many people in my life. I still love those people, because the beauty of love is that it never dies. The people I have loved still hold a place in my heart and in my mind. Most days I still think about each of those people and pray for them. Even the ones that hurt me. Even the ones that didn't work out.
I am thankful to have had those opportunities to love each of those people. And even more so, to have received love back from them. I am thankful for the time.
Because what I have learned, more than anything in life, is that timing... timing is everything.
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| All of my beautiful girls on one of our many fun weekends. I hope you find a love like that. If you are patient I am sure you will. |
I met your father when I was 16. I was married and with child by the time I was 18. Why? Because I was scared of losing him. I wanted more than anything to keep your father in my life because I was scared. So, we decided to have a family... and I grew up.
With the other men it was the same. I never gave myself the time I needed. I never allowed myself to sit still; I was always in this race against the clock. "Gotta hurry up and get married." "Gotta hurry up and build that house." "Gotta hurry up and fall in love."
But time - time will pass anyway. And there are so many things I missed out on (or possibly even ruined) because I was chasing (or forcing) what I thought was important, instead of being faithful and patient and letting life happen the way it was meant to.
Take your time.
Guard your heart.
Fall in love.
Make mistakes.
But don't rush.
Things will work out the way they are going to. This I know to be true. The things I rushed through were meant to happen anyway. But maybe if I'd have gone a little slower, if I'd have been patient, a different path might have appeared before me.
Respect time. Be faithful. Guard your heart by taking the time to let things happen around you and be aware of the truth. My heart was always open and naive, it was never guarded. And that is why I've been hurt so many times. I put other people's needs in front of my own as I rushed to the finish line. And that has been my biggest mistake.
Also, never be in a relationship with a married (or separated) man. No matter how much he loves you. No matter how much he says he couldn't ever imagine a life without you. Tell him you love him too. Then tell him to come back when he's done with it.
Timing is everything.
If the love is strong enough and meant to happen, it will happen when it's time. Be patient. Be guarded. Be adventurous but not foolish. Enjoy the slowness of life. And let love happen at it's own pace.
These are my wishes for you.
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