A Victim Filled Crime

By -
Originally written April 28, 2016, Edited March 2017

Nobody will ever know the truth. The facts as they happened. It's sad, really - to know that there are versions of my life that are out there, being thrown around. As if anyone could actually know the whole story. As if someone could look at my Facebook page and know who I am, or what I am like, or why I have made the decisions I have made.

I will say this - when I announced my separation, most everyone was surprised. Because, I didn't highlight the things about my life that were difficult. Who does? And this isn't just the age of Facebook.

Think about it - in the old days - when you would take pictures, print them out, and put them in a photo album, you didn't take pictures of the fights. You didn't have photos of the broken glass or the broken hearts. If you sat down in someone's living room and opened up their family album and you saw pictures of crying and screaming people on vacation, you'd think that family was crazy. No. Instead, we take pictures of the things we want to remember. We post memories of the good times. Because naturally we all want to be happy. We have hope that the good times will outnumber the bad times and that we will all live happily ever after.

So, how could anyone look at my life over the past year and think that he/she knows who I am? How can anyone determine what kind of person I am based off of pictures he/she sees or things he/she has heard? How bold and immature of someone to think he/she has any clue.

Sure, I write - I have this blog. And I put some of it out there. But even this - this is just a portion of who I am. It is not everything. Trust me, I have so much more.

And if anyone thinks that, by looking at my Facebook page and reading my blog, that he/she actually has any idea of who I am - he/she is a fool.
Some warnings come with signs. And some are
left to be discovered the hard way. (Crowder's
Mountain, NC- One of my happy places.)

But maybe he/she needs to make me who he/she thinks I am. It shouldn't hurt me. It shouldn't. But the reality is, if you knew the truth. If you saw the pictures on my phone or read the conversations in my email. If you were a fly on the wall of my life, you'd understand.

I'm not who you say I am.

I'm not who you want me to be.

So, go ahead and cut me down. Call me names. Accuse me of being the person you need me to be. But all the time spent blaming me for what happened, there is a reality that is being ignored.

And in the meantime, I have my memories. I know the truth. I have all of the evidence that I need to support my position - not a position of innocence - I never said that. But certainly not the manipulative predator I am made out to be.

I also, am a victim.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hello Old Friend

By -
Image
Hello old friend, we meet again. If you're new here - this blog has been my place to openly grieve  over the past decade. So, I guess it makes since to come back to it now since my good ole friend "grief" has reared his ugly head once again.  It's difficult (and ironic) because many of the words written here explicitly describe MY side of the pain. And now, as I reflect on this newest grieving moment, I want to talk about the other side. (I know - too little, too late .) I want to start with a disclaimer - if anyone who falls upon this blog is ever experiencing feelings of hopelessness, please reach out. This is my personal email and I will personally reply to any/all of your messages.  Add me to your contacts. I. Am. Here. Now - a story... I remember 2004 as being a very difficult year in my life.   I was a 26 year old wife and mother of three living in a small 2 bedroom house. I was bartending for a living and taking college classes.  Earlier that year, my husband
Read more

Eventually. Occasionally. Always. Thankfully. Forever.

By -
Eventually the black marks will fade, the grass will grow over the tracks, and the stains will disappear. But that telephone pole will remain. Occasionally the wreaths of flowers will be placed and replaced. Certainly a beer can will be left -maybe even a bottle of Jim Beam. But that telephone pole will remain. Oddly it wasn't the point of impact. It wasn't where you were found. It just happens to be the place we gathered to light our candles and sing. Because that telephone pole will remain. Sometimes we will visit and from where we live there are two ways in. I wonder how often we will choose to drive on that road. I wonder if we will feel the same. Will we gaze forward? Will we slow down? Will we gulp and hold back the tears?  I don't know if we'll avoid it or embrace it but I know we will never forget it. Because I know that telephone pole will remain. I hate that telephone pole. I hate that it exists. I hate that it will always be there and it w
Read more

Stalkers - Start Reading Here

By -
Image
After I had been on a few dates with husband #2, and it was evident that we might actually both be considering "something more," he provided me with a recent psychiatric evaluation. As you can imagine, getting a doctor approved mental health evaluation of your potential new life partner was like, solid gold! (For his sake, I feel I must tell you that the reason he even had access to said evaluation was because he had recently gone through a divorce and custody hearing - he's not a psycho who has regular evals done.) So, anyway, I was lucky. I was about to embark on a relationship journey and I had access to some wonderful information that would help me to decide whether or not it was even worth the "next date." Because I admit, during that time in my life I was using all sorts of other stalking techniques to weed out the goodies from the baddies. I was living in Maryland at the time and so I used  Maryland Judiciary Case Search  to weed out the weirdos w
Read more