Vulnerability - I Have No Force Field
Vulnerability - adjective
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.
3. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend
Wow! That sounds about right.
I've mentioned in previous blogs that my intentions with these writings are to put my sh!t out there; to let it all be known; and to be held accountable for it. If that's not vulnerability, then I don't know what it is. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to explain why I'm grateful for my vulnerability, what it has taught me, and why I recommend it to everyone who is reading.
Capable of being wounded
Ha! More like - I'm going to be punched in the gut, daily, by life, love, and the people I always trusted. And because I'm a secret masochist, I'm going to welcome it... and give them more ammunition which leads to being...
Open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.
Yep. I am working at being more "virtuous," but the truth is, I've given people a lot of reason to criticize me and attack my morals. My vulnerability has opened up a side of me that allows temptation to lead my decisions and therefore I live in a...
Place open to assault; difficult to defend.
Why would I defend my actions? I have no defense. I have made several selfish decisions that have led me to where I am today. And this place is open to attack. I have no protection against it. People have the opportunity to judge me or love me. And THAT is one of the best things I've learned over the last 6 months, and the reason I'm so thankful for where I am.
I've learned a lot about the people around me by their reactions to my behavior. In a time in my life when I was confused and hurting and being selfish - and I was vulnerable - it was in those times when the people around me had an opportunity to embrace me, love me, protect me, and edify me.
Thank you, God, for making me vulnerable during this time and allowing me to be hurt. I am so very grateful for this opportunity to bare my soul and learn about my own needs, but more importantly, about the kind of people with whom I surround myself. I consider this a kind of evolutionary survival of the fittest exercise. Only the strongest have survived. Because it's easy to judge someone and walk away from them when they are not living a life that you approve of... but it's much harder to stick by them and love them and help them back on the right path.
Ironically, I feel like that was my role over the last 5 years - loving someone with addiction issues and learning not to take it personally and to try to help them back on the right path - the path they said they wanted to follow. At least, it was my intentions. I tried. I was unsuccessful.
Anyway, more about me... :) No, seriously though, if I have one recommendation for the people who are reading, it is this - if you are hurting, if you are struggling emotionally and you don't know what to do, then become vulnerable. Bare your soul and prepare for the lashings. I spent years being strong and trying to do the right thing, only to feel empty and alone every day. But today, because I've opened up my soul and bared my weaknesses, I've also weeded out all of the fake people in my life who were underprepared to handle me. Strength truly does come from weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
1. capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon
2. open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.
3. (of a place) open to assault; difficult to defend
Wow! That sounds about right.
I've mentioned in previous blogs that my intentions with these writings are to put my sh!t out there; to let it all be known; and to be held accountable for it. If that's not vulnerability, then I don't know what it is. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to explain why I'm grateful for my vulnerability, what it has taught me, and why I recommend it to everyone who is reading.
Capable of being wounded
Ha! More like - I'm going to be punched in the gut, daily, by life, love, and the people I always trusted. And because I'm a secret masochist, I'm going to welcome it... and give them more ammunition which leads to being...
Open to moral attack, criticism, temptation, etc.
Yep. I am working at being more "virtuous," but the truth is, I've given people a lot of reason to criticize me and attack my morals. My vulnerability has opened up a side of me that allows temptation to lead my decisions and therefore I live in a...
Place open to assault; difficult to defend.
Why would I defend my actions? I have no defense. I have made several selfish decisions that have led me to where I am today. And this place is open to attack. I have no protection against it. People have the opportunity to judge me or love me. And THAT is one of the best things I've learned over the last 6 months, and the reason I'm so thankful for where I am.
I've learned a lot about the people around me by their reactions to my behavior. In a time in my life when I was confused and hurting and being selfish - and I was vulnerable - it was in those times when the people around me had an opportunity to embrace me, love me, protect me, and edify me.
Thank you, God, for making me vulnerable during this time and allowing me to be hurt. I am so very grateful for this opportunity to bare my soul and learn about my own needs, but more importantly, about the kind of people with whom I surround myself. I consider this a kind of evolutionary survival of the fittest exercise. Only the strongest have survived. Because it's easy to judge someone and walk away from them when they are not living a life that you approve of... but it's much harder to stick by them and love them and help them back on the right path.
Ironically, I feel like that was my role over the last 5 years - loving someone with addiction issues and learning not to take it personally and to try to help them back on the right path - the path they said they wanted to follow. At least, it was my intentions. I tried. I was unsuccessful.
Anyway, more about me... :) No, seriously though, if I have one recommendation for the people who are reading, it is this - if you are hurting, if you are struggling emotionally and you don't know what to do, then become vulnerable. Bare your soul and prepare for the lashings. I spent years being strong and trying to do the right thing, only to feel empty and alone every day. But today, because I've opened up my soul and bared my weaknesses, I've also weeded out all of the fake people in my life who were underprepared to handle me. Strength truly does come from weakness.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
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