Everything I Never Knew I Wanted

The year 2015 set the stage for 2016 to be a wonderful year. Is that because 2015 was a crappy year? Maybe. I mean, when you're at rock bottom, you can only go up, right? But that isn't what I meant. Sure, things happened in 2015 that took my life off course, but those things challenged me and made me start to think about what I really wanted out of life. And not only what I wanted, but how was I going to get it?

Because of those things that transpired in 2015, by the beginning of the new year, I was going through a divorce and living in a two bedroom apartment with my two girls and our dog. As the only breadwinner, I was waiting tables and doing some marketing consulting work while desperately trying to get a new full time job (with benefits) to support my family. However, the few interviews I landed ended with rejection as soon as they learned that I didn't have a degree. I had started to doubt most of my past decisions and feel unsure about everything in my future.

Then I hit rock bottom. I had gotten a verbal offer for a perfect job. I was celebrating with a friend when they called asking me to add my degree to my resume and send it back. That's when they learned that I didn't have a degree, which is why it wasn't on my resume, and they (regretfully) pulled the offer. It was pretty much one of the worst nights of my life. I couldn't believe that this was happening, again. I wasn't sure I'd ever find a company that would hire me.

The next day, I sat in my car in the parking lot of the restaurant I was about to walk into, knowing that I'd probably only make enough money to buy a couple days worth of groceries and that I had rent to pay. So, I made a phone call to a friend and an old colleague. She had offered me a job many months before when I first left my previous employer. But the job was in Charlotte, and when she originally asked, I was determined not to move my girls out of their schools... again.

Looking back now, that day was the day that changed my life. I remember my friend answering the phone, and feeling that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach when I said the words, "Is that job still available?" Then I remember the overwhelming sense of excitement I felt when she, in true Kim form, yelled, "Oh My God, Yes! Are you willing to move to Charlotte?"

And we all know how that ended... with a whirlwind interview process from Charlotte to Dayton, and many phone interviews in between. To a big interstate move. To a home purchase. To a home renovation. And to here.

A year ago, I was the most uncertain person I'd ever been. I was angry and sad and resentful and confused. But I never gave up. I used the uncertainty to start over and to dig deep - to figure out who I was and what I believed. I used that time to reflect and discover what was really important to me. I did what I've always been capable of doing, just too insecure to try. I found the real me. The person who isn't afraid to sleep alone. The person who can support her own family without a partner. The person who has faith in God and His timing. The person who has a support system well beyond her own understanding.

I'm so very thankful for every uncomfortable thing that has happened, because each one made me reach out for help (which I never realized was a sign of strength until now). They made me try harder. They made me believe stronger. They made me grow. And they all helped me to get here.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me and believed in me along the way. I hope that one day, I will have the opportunity to return the favor.