Being the Winner vs. Winning

By -
A few months back I wrote a blog about a confrontation I experienced at a Nascar race. I admit that the meat of that post really had nothing to do with that night. The message in that story was about the decisions we make in life when we are faced with an adversary. The feelings I was feeling at that time stemmed from a completely different situation, but I used the Nascar race to illustrate them. Here is the meat of the text - 
Is the way in which one responds when faced with adversity really a view into one's true personality?
When someone treats you poorly, how do you react?When someone hurts you, whether intentionally or unintentionally, how do you respond? 
Do you retaliate? Do you initiate a war? Do you prepare for a battle with intentions of winning - at any cost? 
Or do you cower? Fall apart and allow yourself to be beaten, assaulted, and embarrassed?
It's interesting to me that (to most people) these seem to be the only two options. Either you're strong or you're weak. Either you win or you lose. 
But I disagree. Once again, there is so much grey area.Because if you retaliate or fight back, with the intentions of winning at any cost, you first have to ask yourself, "what are you really willing to wager?"
I've seen some pretty nasty behavior in my lifetime. I've seen people lose a lot of things in the spirit of "winning." I've seen broken homes. I've seen children torn from their families. I've seen money squandered and wasted. I've seen people dismiss their own morals.
All just to be the "winner."

These words and these feelings are once again resurfacing within me. I look around at the world - at strangers and at friends - and I wonder if they can see the power they have in their own actions (the power to hurt or the power to heal). 

We have been raised to believe that we all have a voice and we are all equal and we should all take a stand for what we believe in. I believe those things as well. As a matter of fact, I am a very strong woman, with very strong opinions. I can be forceful. I can be very persuasive, even manipulative...

However, that is the old me. 

Now, I believe strongly in the power of love and the power of kindness. 

I truly believe that over the past year, I've received much more joy and peace in my life by doing the exact opposite of what I've done in my previous life - reacting and doing what I feel in the moment: forcing everyone around me to see things the way that I see them; managing everything that I can in order to feel "in control."

There have been many times when I've wanted to burst out and yell at people - tell them exactly how I feel about their actions. But I haven't. Instead, I've taken a back seat. Ever heard the phrase - give someone enough rope and he'll find a way to hang himself? That's my new philosophy on life. 

And it works. 

People who constantly take the reigns in situations usually drive themselves right into their own destiny. I don't need to try to corral them like a cowboy leading a herd to the destination that I want them to go. Sure, I might know a very easy path for them to follow and they might be travelling right into a muddy swamp that will make the journey much more difficult. But I am not a cowboy. That is not my job. It is not my job to control the world or force it to follow my path. 


It is my job, however, to walk on my path and keep the weeds from taking it over so that others can walk along it with me... if they want to. I traveled through many swamps along my path to where I am now. And it didn't have to be that way, but it was. And I'm thankful for it. It is those swamps that taught me how to be who I am today.

I admit that this "passive" look at life is not always easy. So, to deal with the rage or the sadness, I write. I take a pen and paper and I put all of the words that I want to say out loud and I write them out. What I've learned in this process is that not only do I feel better when I'm done, but also that sometimes, after writing, I can see the situation differently. 

This is a great outcome for me, but what I've also witnessed is, for the most part, by backing off and by letting the people around me to live out their mistakes, not only has my life improved, but also, the situations seem to work out on their own... 

So, today, I am filled with grief as I watch people I care about hurt each other. I am overwhelmed with rage as I witness injustice carried out on my television. And I have an opportunity to insert myself, but I won't. I will continue to love my neighbors and have mercy on them and their situations. I will pray for their recovery. And if they decide to join me on my path and I have the opportunity hold their hand and offer my assistance in their growth, I will.  

And I will have faith that it will all work out. It always does. Reacting with love and peace is a much more effective than with force. I know that now. And because I know that, I win the prize. Because life is not a sprint. Life is a marathon. The way we train and compete in each of those races is different. If you live your life constantly sprinting, you can only last for a short time. But if you train and prepare yourself for a marathon, going slow and maintaining what you believe, you will win. There will be miles that are difficult and seem like they last forever, but you will get past them. And when you get to the finish line, it will all be worth it. The prize really starts in the journey.  

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If it is Necessary, it is Possible

By -
Image
Because it was important to me that I was the main caregiver for my children when they were young, and because their father and I were both young and not well paid, we made a lot of sacrifices. After I quit my job to be a stay at home mom, I continued to do odd jobs to bring in money. Mostly, I babysat the neighborhood kids ($10/day/kid) and waited tables. I also cleaned houses and tended bar. Basically, I would do anything to make some money in a way that meant I could still be a mom and a wife first. We lived in a two bedroom home which meant that the kids all shared a bedroom. After Eve was born, we had a crib and a set of bunk beds. The kids thought this was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to them. Logan, of course, got the top bunk. And Ceci was happy to have the bottom bunk as long as he'd let her come up and play castle in his bed during the day. But mostly, the crib was the place to be. They loved it! My children had absolutely no idea how poor we were...
Read more

Stalkers - Start Reading Here

By -
Image
After I had been on a few dates with husband #2, and it was evident that we might actually both be considering "something more," he provided me with a recent psychiatric evaluation. As you can imagine, getting a doctor approved mental health evaluation of your potential new life partner was like, solid gold! (For his sake, I feel I must tell you that the reason he even had access to said evaluation was because he had recently gone through a divorce and custody hearing - he's not a psycho who has regular evals done.) So, anyway, I was lucky. I was about to embark on a relationship journey and I had access to some wonderful information that would help me to decide whether or not it was even worth the "next date." Because I admit, during that time in my life I was using all sorts of other stalking techniques to weed out the goodies from the baddies. I was living in Maryland at the time and so I used  Maryland Judiciary Case Search  to weed out the weirdos w...
Read more

Hello Old Friend

By -
Image
Hello old friend, we meet again. If you're new here - this blog has been my place to openly grieve  over the past decade. So, I guess it makes since to come back to it now since my good ole friend "grief" has reared his ugly head once again.  It's difficult (and ironic) because many of the words written here explicitly describe MY side of the pain. And now, as I reflect on this newest grieving moment, I want to talk about the other side. (I know - too little, too late .) I want to start with a disclaimer - if anyone who falls upon this blog is ever experiencing feelings of hopelessness, please reach out. This is my personal email and I will personally reply to any/all of your messages.  Add me to your contacts. I. Am. Here. Now - a story... I remember 2004 as being a very difficult year in my life.   I was a 26 year old wife and mother of three living in a small 2 bedroom house. I was bartending for a living and taking college classes.  Earlier that year, my hu...
Read more