Reactionary Behavior (And a Nascar Race)

After leaving a client event on Saturday night, I found myself driving my Camry through a muddy parking lot with an older male coworker and 2 clients, trying to escape the madness. (I was the sober driver who offered them a ride back to their hotel.)

For the sake of humor, we shall call this time, "The Drunken Redneck Mass Exodus,"  and if you've ever left a Nascar race, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

I won't describe the entire episode, but let's just say that I, very respectfully and politely, asked someone to roll down her window and communicate with me about allowing me to pull in front of her (the zipper effect, if I may). It didn't end as well as you'd think and I was honestly thanking God for child safety locks, because after being flipped off and berated for being a "stupid, [bleeping, female dog]," my older, male "papa bear" coworker was not very happy. He simply couldn't believe that someone would speak to me that way.

I just waved to her and said, "God bless you. Sorry someone stole your cooler (apparently that was my fault also). I hope you have a good night. And get home safe." Then I was left attempting to calm the raging bear in the back seat of my vehicle. He couldn't believe how calm I was after being spoken to in that way.

Which made me start to think...

Is the way in which one responds when faced with adversity really a view into one's true personality?
When someone treats you poorly, how do you react?

When someone hurts you, whether intentionally or unintentionally, how do you respond? 

Do you retaliate? 

Do you initiate a war? 

Do you prepare for a battle with intentions of winning - at any cost? 

Or do you cower? 

Fall apart and allow yourself to be beaten, assaulted, and embarrassed?

It's interesting to me that (to most people) these seem to be the only two options. 

Either you're strong or you're weak. 

Either you win or you lose. 

But I disagree. Once again, there is so much grey area.

Because if you retaliate or fight back, with the intentions of winning at any cost, you first have to ask yourself, "what are you really willing to wager?"

I've seen some pretty nasty behavior in my lifetime. I've seen people lose a lot of things in the spirit of "winning." I've seen broken homes. I've seen children torn from their families. I've seen money squandered and wasted. I've seen people dismiss their own morals.

All just to be the "winner."

I've been a victim of this... and I've been a willing participant. 

I'm not too proud to admit that after my first divorce, I was so scared - so terrified of losing my children - that I was willing to say and do things that gained me control. Because that me was different. That me was young, and immature, and full of fear. That me couldn't see past what I wanted. That me didn't have the faith that I have now. 

I've also been on the opposite side of the spectrum. I've been pretty disappointed in my lifetime by the way in which I've been treated by others. And I've allowed people to insult me and break my spirit, just so that I didn't have to confront an issue that I felt was unsolvable or impossible.

My children have seen both sides of me. I can only pray that they see me for who I am today. The person who can look outside of those two options. I can only hope that they know that I am stronger for knowing my mistakes and for acknowledging my weaknesses.

Because there is another option. One in which we all remain calm. We don't react but instead, we reflect. Take a moment and think though the options.

What is at stake? What are my options? How do I get through this without regret? 

At the end of my Saturday night, my Papa Bear coworker had rerouted us and found us way ahead of the crowd. We safely, and without conflict, made it through the maze of angry, drunken, over-empowered Nascar viewers. I kept my dignity and he remained out of jail. All because of a calm response (and child safety locks).

Unfortunately, I do realize now, that if it had gone terribly wrong, I might have a better story for my blog.

Sorry. Next time, I'll try harder.