Self Induced Time Out

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I wish I could fast forward. 1 year. I wonder what will be different... and what will be the same.

I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to create a new life, with new habits and new people. I'm trying to build new relationships and to move forward instead of looking back and wishing. I'm trying to make good, healthy, Christian decisions.

Sometimes I fail.

But I wonder, when I look back on this time, will I have regrets? Or will I appreciate it, like I have with all of the other negative or troublesome times in my life? Will I ever be able to accept the things I've said and done?

They all brought me here.
They all taught me something.
They all helped me to grow.

Self reflection is painful. Even more so when I know I've made mistakes that have hurt others.

But self reflection is still important and necessary. I am not perfect and I have a lot of things on which to reflect.

I mean, I could be one of those people who just says, "F it. I made a mistake. Everyone else just needs to deal with it!" But I'm not. Not at all. Instead, I spend way too much time thinking about how I can make it better - make me better. How I can use this mistake to learn and not repeat it.

Sometimes I wish I didn't care. Sometimes I wish I didn't punish myself, but I do.

So, here I sit.
In my little "time-out" chair.
I think it's best if I take some time to think about what I've done.

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