It's Acumentary, My Dear Watson

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"Nobody wants to be the bad guy in their own story." 

Someone said those words to me many years ago when I was going through my first divorce. And now, I'm months shy of my second divorce, and here I am again... the bad guy. Not only in my story, but in so many others.

Why is it that I'm so willing to accept the role? Why am I not afraid of admitting my faults while everyone points their fingers at me? I mean, what am I going to do? Deny the truth? No. I am not a perfect person. I never have been. I am flawed. I am human. I make mistakes and I accept the consequences. I take full responsibility for my actions. This is just my way. I've always been the person to admit to my mistakes. I've never tried to blame anyone else for my choices. I work hard. I learn from my mistakes. And I try to think of the whole when making decisions.

This has proven to be a very successful attribute in my business life. One of my previous bosses said I had "acumen" (I admit to having to look this word up in the dictionary). It means - good business judgement (I immediately put it on my resume). Good judgement. If only they knew my personal life. It's quite laughable actually. 

Alright, maybe I'm being a bit harsh on myself because, looking back, I have no regrets. My life has been a series of decisions that have led me to where I am today. And when I look around, I'm not dissatisfied with the outcome. I've been fortunate enough to receive the love of many good people who have each given me something that I hold onto dearly (children, wisdom, faith). I continue to seek to be better each day (especially on the days that I fail). And the friends and family that have stuck with me through all of this are, without a doubt, the most loyal and loving people on this earth. They love me anyway. That's something.

So. Am I a bad guy? Yeah. But aren't we all? Don't we all have things that we have done that we either wish we could take back or wish we could change or wish were different in some way? I say it everyday. I am not proud of some of the things I've done and I sure do wish it were different than it is. But, it is... what it is. And I deal with that. I accept it and move forward, without regrets and without fear. 

Because none of us can change what is done... we can only learn from it and move forward. It is those people who don't see that, that end up living a very unhappy life. And I don't want to be unhappy.

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