Chapter 4: Trojan Chicken Sandwich
The kids were starting to understand that something was wrong. I don't "do" doctors so the fact that I had been 3 times over the past 4 days. and that I had been very lax about going to work, was starting to cause question and concern. Logan is a smart boy; he's not oblivious... neither is Ceci. But neither are the kind to open up about their worries; they internalize everything like they've been taught over the years. Eve, however, is much more open about her worries, and frankly, uncomfortable with her own emotions. So, what comes out as irrational anger and attitude, I have discovered is really her way of communicating stress.
The house was a mess when we arrived home. One kid on the computer, another on a laptop, one in front of the TV, and Isaac just moving around between them all, trying to see who was doing something more exciting. Our small foyer had become a drop zone for anything the children were carrying or wearing that day. Book bags, hoodies, shoes, and a trumpet case all scattered in what appeared to be an attempt of a line formation. This was their way of trying to make it look tidy, but it was a fire hazard, nonetheless.
"Welp, you guys still aren't getting a puppy anytime soon!" I hollered throughout the house. This was my way of attempting to bribe them into cleaning up after themselves. In all honesty, I wanted the puppy more than they did, but I was holding the imaginary puppy ransom until they could find a way to do the very few and simple things I had asked them to do.
We set the Chick Fil A down on the dining room table and they all came running from their previous positions. Chick Fil A is their favorite meal. It is the closest thing to fast food that we'll bring home to them. It was a treat, even if it was a Trojan Horse of sorts.
You see, our house is commonly filled with chaos, which is normal to us, but tonight, and many of the nights before it, had been very quiet. And as everyone grabbed at what they assumed to be their sandwich, their fries, and their drink, no one said much of anything, until poor little Isaac got attacked by none other than, "Eve the Attitude."
"That's not yours, that's mine!" Eve said with her best chicken head. "And where have you guys been?" she diverted her anger towards us. "And WHY did you bring home Chick Fil A?"
Normally this would have caused one of us to go into, "What? You didn't want us to bring home Chick Fil A?" But not today. I realized the sensitivity of this situation- the quiet concern of the older children, and the attitude brought out by Eve's stress. It was time to open up the Trojan Horse and do the thing that none of us wanted to do. We had to have a conversation about what was going on.
"We went to dinner after my appointment and got sushi which YOU don't like," I said with a soft reassuring voice emphasizing the fact that it was a thoughtful thing we did. "And we thought you guys would enjoy a treat. So we brought you home Chick Fil A"
The older kids still hadn't said anything and I realized that the normal thing to do would be to ask how the doctor's appointment went... unless, of course, you were afraid to ask because you didn't want to know the answer.
"I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow. The test didn't show her what she wanted to see. So she wants me to come back tomorrow for a similar test, but before this one, she'll shoot me up with Gamma radiation so she can see what's going on in my heart," I said it all fast, almost one whole sentence without a breath. I wanted them to know that everything was okay and that they didn't have to worry. But I wanted them to know something. The idea of not talking about it seemed cruel and unusual.
But no one gave a response. They just continued eating and not acknowledging the conversation.
"Yeah, and William's excited that I might turn into She Hulk and finally get those big boobs he always wanted me to get!" I was willing to do anything to lift the room. Damnit. Who cared if I lifted it? I just wanted to talk about it.
"Mom!" yelled Ceci. "You're so inappropriate!"
"I never said that!" William defended himself.
"You were thinking it!" I retorted. It had worked. We'd opened up the line of communication. And even if we didn't talk about the scary stuff. We didn't mention how serious the problem of the heart could be, or how any of this made us feel. We'd talked about the tests, and the people at the office. We talked about Dr. Urquhart and her dog. We talked about Gamma radiation and She Hulk. Eventually the conversation led off to something Logan had learned in Chemistry class.
The point is we were talking. And we were laughing. And we were getting on each other's nerves. Everything was back to normal. No more awkward silence. No more pretending we couldn't see the damned elephant in the room. We would get through this together. And if all my fears of having to leave my family early, like that damned "Terms of Endearment" movie came true, then at least we'd have this. It was all I could do to keep a positive thought in my head. But that's my job, isn't it? To keep everyone else happy, I've at least got to fake it myself.
The house was a mess when we arrived home. One kid on the computer, another on a laptop, one in front of the TV, and Isaac just moving around between them all, trying to see who was doing something more exciting. Our small foyer had become a drop zone for anything the children were carrying or wearing that day. Book bags, hoodies, shoes, and a trumpet case all scattered in what appeared to be an attempt of a line formation. This was their way of trying to make it look tidy, but it was a fire hazard, nonetheless.
"Welp, you guys still aren't getting a puppy anytime soon!" I hollered throughout the house. This was my way of attempting to bribe them into cleaning up after themselves. In all honesty, I wanted the puppy more than they did, but I was holding the imaginary puppy ransom until they could find a way to do the very few and simple things I had asked them to do.
We set the Chick Fil A down on the dining room table and they all came running from their previous positions. Chick Fil A is their favorite meal. It is the closest thing to fast food that we'll bring home to them. It was a treat, even if it was a Trojan Horse of sorts.
You see, our house is commonly filled with chaos, which is normal to us, but tonight, and many of the nights before it, had been very quiet. And as everyone grabbed at what they assumed to be their sandwich, their fries, and their drink, no one said much of anything, until poor little Isaac got attacked by none other than, "Eve the Attitude."
"That's not yours, that's mine!" Eve said with her best chicken head. "And where have you guys been?" she diverted her anger towards us. "And WHY did you bring home Chick Fil A?"
Normally this would have caused one of us to go into, "What? You didn't want us to bring home Chick Fil A?" But not today. I realized the sensitivity of this situation- the quiet concern of the older children, and the attitude brought out by Eve's stress. It was time to open up the Trojan Horse and do the thing that none of us wanted to do. We had to have a conversation about what was going on.
"We went to dinner after my appointment and got sushi which YOU don't like," I said with a soft reassuring voice emphasizing the fact that it was a thoughtful thing we did. "And we thought you guys would enjoy a treat. So we brought you home Chick Fil A"
The older kids still hadn't said anything and I realized that the normal thing to do would be to ask how the doctor's appointment went... unless, of course, you were afraid to ask because you didn't want to know the answer.
"I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow. The test didn't show her what she wanted to see. So she wants me to come back tomorrow for a similar test, but before this one, she'll shoot me up with Gamma radiation so she can see what's going on in my heart," I said it all fast, almost one whole sentence without a breath. I wanted them to know that everything was okay and that they didn't have to worry. But I wanted them to know something. The idea of not talking about it seemed cruel and unusual.
But no one gave a response. They just continued eating and not acknowledging the conversation.
"Yeah, and William's excited that I might turn into She Hulk and finally get those big boobs he always wanted me to get!" I was willing to do anything to lift the room. Damnit. Who cared if I lifted it? I just wanted to talk about it.
"Mom!" yelled Ceci. "You're so inappropriate!"
"I never said that!" William defended himself.
"You were thinking it!" I retorted. It had worked. We'd opened up the line of communication. And even if we didn't talk about the scary stuff. We didn't mention how serious the problem of the heart could be, or how any of this made us feel. We'd talked about the tests, and the people at the office. We talked about Dr. Urquhart and her dog. We talked about Gamma radiation and She Hulk. Eventually the conversation led off to something Logan had learned in Chemistry class.
The point is we were talking. And we were laughing. And we were getting on each other's nerves. Everything was back to normal. No more awkward silence. No more pretending we couldn't see the damned elephant in the room. We would get through this together. And if all my fears of having to leave my family early, like that damned "Terms of Endearment" movie came true, then at least we'd have this. It was all I could do to keep a positive thought in my head. But that's my job, isn't it? To keep everyone else happy, I've at least got to fake it myself.
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