Broken Hearted Runner

A year ago, when thinking about my upcoming 2025 new year’s resolutions, I focused on the 3 main areas of my life: My relationship with God My connection with my family My overall health This became three very specific resolutions: Read the bible from beginning to end and dedicate time to pray every morning and evening Initiate quality alone time with my husband and children   Go to the gym on average 5 times a week and drink less The results? I didn’t finish reading the bible yet, but I made a VERY big dent in it. I was dedicated to listening to the bible on my long commute to the office, and for 279 out of 365 days, I listened and I learned.   I prayed a lot... Actually way more than what I intended. Challenges came into my life that I couldn’t have predicted. My daily morning and evening prayer rituals couldn’t sustain the stress and indecision I was facing. Some days felt like a constant conversation with God (a very one sided cry for help, but a conversation nonetheless)....

In the early 2000s, I was in my early 20s. I was a mother of a 2 year old little boy and had another baby on the way. I had recently left my job at the bank because my measly income wouldn't cover the cost of childcare for 2 children. My husband was the sole provider for our family as a construction worker when he became injured and unable to provide for our family.  We immediately began working on a workers compensation claim, but these things take time and there would be a long legal battle ahead of us.  And first he needed surgery - two surgeries, in fact - each with a 6 week recovery time.  He was out of work for over 4 months. During this time, I tried to get a job, but struggled. I assume it was because I was pregnant. Instead, I babysat friend’s kids, cleaned family members homes, and offered to do any kind of odd job I could to bring in some money.  All of the bills were late.  My credit cards were maxed out.  A local church of a friend of mine deli...